it is always wise to move on and let go of the past if things are not meant to be...
it's easy to say.. yet so tough to do..
anyway, after joining this trade i start to see the "true colours" of friends, or should i say so-called-friends for some. Call me cynical but people whom you thought are your closest frens may not choose to believe in you. So blame myself for being too trusting in people.. But this is a good lesson in life that many others may not experience. At least i've seen the tip of the iceberg of the worst that could have happened.
My circle of frenz have kinda narrowed down to people closest to me through my school days, as well as my pi family. At least they understand what i'm going through.. without having me to put up a false front.
I'm holding on, trying to be strong. Jia you Pi family! We can do it!!!!
it's easy to say.. yet so tough to do..
anyway, after joining this trade i start to see the "true colours" of friends, or should i say so-called-friends for some. Call me cynical but people whom you thought are your closest frens may not choose to believe in you. So blame myself for being too trusting in people.. But this is a good lesson in life that many others may not experience. At least i've seen the tip of the iceberg of the worst that could have happened.
My circle of frenz have kinda narrowed down to people closest to me through my school days, as well as my pi family. At least they understand what i'm going through.. without having me to put up a false front.
I'm holding on, trying to be strong. Jia you Pi family! We can do it!!!!
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 2:45 PM
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Friday, May 15, 2009
[::..headache ..::]
[::..headache ..::]
headache ahhhhhh.. worrying about soooo many things now....
i want results to everything.. i want answers to every questions... i want solutions for all problems....
i want results to everything.. i want answers to every questions... i want solutions for all problems....
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 2:33 AM
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Monday, April 06, 2009
[::..gossipssss ..::]
[::..gossipssss ..::]
It has been a while since i've last blogged!
Been experiencing lotsa ups and downs in my work, pretty de-moralising but that's the way our trade works. Luckily, i have my bunch of Pisters to ride through this tough time together!
OH, new gossips!!! I think it's quite unsafe to bitch ard here. But anyway, self-centredness and over-confidence are a no-no in my dictionary lah. I just wonder why some pple behave the way they do, the consequences of their actions/words don't seem to weigh on their list of thoughts, maybe coz they don't actually think before they talk. Then again, i wonder what are our brains for. But oh well, they might as well continue doing so coz at least there'll be some entertainment for us. Irritating yet amusing, these incidents were constantly in my hot topics nowadays that i think i'm damn bitchy can. Wah lao eh, i've suppressed this genes of mine for so long but someone managed to re-ignite the fire in me. KARMA AHHHHHH!!!!!
Aiya, i damn sian can! My blog like rusting already and i have no idea wad to blog.
With love,
Bitchy o' me
Been experiencing lotsa ups and downs in my work, pretty de-moralising but that's the way our trade works. Luckily, i have my bunch of Pisters to ride through this tough time together!
OH, new gossips!!! I think it's quite unsafe to bitch ard here. But anyway, self-centredness and over-confidence are a no-no in my dictionary lah. I just wonder why some pple behave the way they do, the consequences of their actions/words don't seem to weigh on their list of thoughts, maybe coz they don't actually think before they talk. Then again, i wonder what are our brains for. But oh well, they might as well continue doing so coz at least there'll be some entertainment for us. Irritating yet amusing, these incidents were constantly in my hot topics nowadays that i think i'm damn bitchy can. Wah lao eh, i've suppressed this genes of mine for so long but someone managed to re-ignite the fire in me. KARMA AHHHHHH!!!!!
Aiya, i damn sian can! My blog like rusting already and i have no idea wad to blog.
With love,
Bitchy o' me
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 2:59 AM
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Monday, February 18, 2008
sibeh gek sim. i think there should be a certain level of maturity displayed while in a relationship. being fully aware of your current status and that you have a boy/girl-friend and not to cross your limits at all times. i am one who respects freedom and will give freedom to anyone who deserves it, but not when one starts abusing it. before we were together he said that he needed my support in order not to turn back to the old ways. he gave me his word that he will not revert to the bastardized days and i gave him the trust n freedom as i really wouldn't want him to convert to his playful old self. seriously i cannot stand the idea of my bf flirting around with other girls and coming back to me at the end of the day, not even emotional flings via msn or friendster or you farking name it (not that he is doing it now). i know there are guys out there who would wanna explore and experiment with other girls when they already have a gf, but sorry my stand is that i am not so magnanimous to share my bf with others, the plain thought of it irks me to death. i am not possessive, but this is one's responsibility and commitment when you choose to get into a relationship. i hope that by giving and believing in him doesn't equate to me having to suffer the consequences by myself, when i chose to believe in him all this long.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 12:59 AM
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Sunday, February 17, 2008
haha i'm back again.
i guess it's kinda unfair to always put him in a bad light, despite what has happened. he's real nice n sweet when he's with me, and i appreciate him so much for just being there with me on fridays and saturdays. those are the 2 days which i usually look forward to every time a new week starts. i just feel that it is ok for me to wanna know what's happening to him when he is not around me.. but it seems like worrying for someone else is a sin now. haiz
i am not like before, whereby i threw tantrums for no bloody reason. i am easily upset now not because i am in pms-mode or i have nothing better to do. in case you haven't notice, i seldom make a big fuss over something for a damn bloody long time. whenever i get pissed off, i do it because of one particular reason and that's because something is really wrong but if you can't understand, there's nothing more i can say. i was hot-headed and yes i am sorry for putting on a black face and for saying things too harshly. but why can't you just put yourselves into my shoes and spare a thought for my feelings? i thought that usually by accommodating to your needs and requests you will at least appreciate me for understanding and not picking a fight when other gfs would have done so. i am not trying to get your attention, i just want you to understand what am i thinking and how am i feeling. is it really wrong to communicate with you my needs n how i feel? if i put on a black face and say nothing, you would have been real vexed trying to guess what is wrong with me. now that i'm telling you my concerns, why won't you listen. why are you running away from me? i am angry because i care, not because i am trying to spice up my life with tears and some anger potions.
i just don't understand why can't you reply my message when you have the time to msg someone else hours after my sms to you. i'm not asking you to report to me. in case you don't know, i have many frenz who report to their bfs and expect the same in return daily. i don't do that so how can you even think that i am trying to control you or even to spot check you. if i want to i would have done so earlier, and not to be so bo liao as to kick up a big fuss now. i talked to you earlier on msn about the issue on how busy you were, telling you about time management. didn't i talk to you nicely earlier? but it seemed like this didn't help, and i feel that i had to do something about it in case the problems accumulate and get bigger. so now for pointing out some problems which we can solve together, i get all the blame and i am a controlling or jealous freak? how can you judge me like this based on this incident.
on Vday.. i was feeling quite jittery as the interview with X company is meant for scholars and smart people out there. i was so nervous and could only think of telling you about this, just you. when you didn't reply i didn't feel pissed at all. i was telling myself that you could be really busy, maybe you'll ask how did it go after that or maybe u would drop me a happy v-day message just for the protocol, since we weren't meeting at all. by the end of the day, there was no msg from you and you weren't online, i was really disappointed but i told myself again that you could be really busy and i shouldn't harp on things like that. by the end of yesterday, when i found out that you msged a Babe hours after my sms to you, but you did not even reply me, i was devastated. maybe you won't understand. try putting yourself in my shoes. how about me messaging my groupmate "hi shuai ge" when i practically ignored your last message to me. before i talk about jealousy, even if it is about school work, it still boils down to EFFORT, on whether you wanna put in effort to maintain the r/s and to even communicate with me. next, yes i am jealous. damn farking bloody cheebye jealous. CAN? knn.
just imagine yourself as me, with my partner talking to others like this. you don't like it when i club, do you? you know for sure that i won't allow the guys to do anything funny to me and i will siam if they approach me, don't you. IMAGINE, just imagine what if i flirt with the strangers in order to get them to pay for my drinks and let them do whatever they like to me like a slut? do you like it? do you think it's fair to you? you will never know what happen out there when i club. but i can assure you that i will never lie to you nor will i do something so fan jian!
where did the sensitive side go? now, i can only see an insensitive being staring at me while i was bearing my heart out to you. u used to always think about how i would feel if i had known that you were out with some other girls and tried to assure me though i didn't say i mind. u used to refrain from doing or saying things which you feel may induce my insecurities although i didn't request for them. u used to want to know if i am home safely; when i did not reply your sms as i was in an interview, you called me up to check if things are fine. things are gradually been taken for granted. keeping quiet doesn't mean that i don't mind, i just don't wish to add on to your burden when you already have so much on hand. i just thought that you will know and understand this one day. but when?
i thought we are supposed to connect and be dependent on each other, to be there for each other when one needed them. i think the reliance has thinned and does that mean you do not need me anymore? i personally don't like it as well when i rely on you too much but there HAS to be inter-dependency between a couple. arbo what is a couple for? you know that i am a strong person who will not depend on you excessively, and after telling me that you can't stand sticking girls, i have monitored my actions and i don't find myself to be sticky at all. in fact people find us aloof whenever i am not with you, coz i do not know what is happening in your life. but pls understand that i am really a woman despite being so man at times. i am a bloody typical woman who needs her man to pay attention to her and shows that he cares for her. do you know how terrible it felt for me to stand by the door and watch you walk by without even a look at me.
i wanted to tell you everything personally, but it seems like i can only say this through this virtual space, whereby i don't even know if you will be able to see this for your busy schedule. but if you do have the time to surf my page, pls go back to your studies coz you have wasted plenty of time reading this piece of shit from me.
i guess it's kinda unfair to always put him in a bad light, despite what has happened. he's real nice n sweet when he's with me, and i appreciate him so much for just being there with me on fridays and saturdays. those are the 2 days which i usually look forward to every time a new week starts. i just feel that it is ok for me to wanna know what's happening to him when he is not around me.. but it seems like worrying for someone else is a sin now. haiz
i am not like before, whereby i threw tantrums for no bloody reason. i am easily upset now not because i am in pms-mode or i have nothing better to do. in case you haven't notice, i seldom make a big fuss over something for a damn bloody long time. whenever i get pissed off, i do it because of one particular reason and that's because something is really wrong but if you can't understand, there's nothing more i can say. i was hot-headed and yes i am sorry for putting on a black face and for saying things too harshly. but why can't you just put yourselves into my shoes and spare a thought for my feelings? i thought that usually by accommodating to your needs and requests you will at least appreciate me for understanding and not picking a fight when other gfs would have done so. i am not trying to get your attention, i just want you to understand what am i thinking and how am i feeling. is it really wrong to communicate with you my needs n how i feel? if i put on a black face and say nothing, you would have been real vexed trying to guess what is wrong with me. now that i'm telling you my concerns, why won't you listen. why are you running away from me? i am angry because i care, not because i am trying to spice up my life with tears and some anger potions.
i just don't understand why can't you reply my message when you have the time to msg someone else hours after my sms to you. i'm not asking you to report to me. in case you don't know, i have many frenz who report to their bfs and expect the same in return daily. i don't do that so how can you even think that i am trying to control you or even to spot check you. if i want to i would have done so earlier, and not to be so bo liao as to kick up a big fuss now. i talked to you earlier on msn about the issue on how busy you were, telling you about time management. didn't i talk to you nicely earlier? but it seemed like this didn't help, and i feel that i had to do something about it in case the problems accumulate and get bigger. so now for pointing out some problems which we can solve together, i get all the blame and i am a controlling or jealous freak? how can you judge me like this based on this incident.
on Vday.. i was feeling quite jittery as the interview with X company is meant for scholars and smart people out there. i was so nervous and could only think of telling you about this, just you. when you didn't reply i didn't feel pissed at all. i was telling myself that you could be really busy, maybe you'll ask how did it go after that or maybe u would drop me a happy v-day message just for the protocol, since we weren't meeting at all. by the end of the day, there was no msg from you and you weren't online, i was really disappointed but i told myself again that you could be really busy and i shouldn't harp on things like that. by the end of yesterday, when i found out that you msged a Babe hours after my sms to you, but you did not even reply me, i was devastated. maybe you won't understand. try putting yourself in my shoes. how about me messaging my groupmate "hi shuai ge" when i practically ignored your last message to me. before i talk about jealousy, even if it is about school work, it still boils down to EFFORT, on whether you wanna put in effort to maintain the r/s and to even communicate with me. next, yes i am jealous. damn farking bloody cheebye jealous. CAN? knn.
just imagine yourself as me, with my partner talking to others like this. you don't like it when i club, do you? you know for sure that i won't allow the guys to do anything funny to me and i will siam if they approach me, don't you. IMAGINE, just imagine what if i flirt with the strangers in order to get them to pay for my drinks and let them do whatever they like to me like a slut? do you like it? do you think it's fair to you? you will never know what happen out there when i club. but i can assure you that i will never lie to you nor will i do something so fan jian!
where did the sensitive side go? now, i can only see an insensitive being staring at me while i was bearing my heart out to you. u used to always think about how i would feel if i had known that you were out with some other girls and tried to assure me though i didn't say i mind. u used to refrain from doing or saying things which you feel may induce my insecurities although i didn't request for them. u used to want to know if i am home safely; when i did not reply your sms as i was in an interview, you called me up to check if things are fine. things are gradually been taken for granted. keeping quiet doesn't mean that i don't mind, i just don't wish to add on to your burden when you already have so much on hand. i just thought that you will know and understand this one day. but when?
i thought we are supposed to connect and be dependent on each other, to be there for each other when one needed them. i think the reliance has thinned and does that mean you do not need me anymore? i personally don't like it as well when i rely on you too much but there HAS to be inter-dependency between a couple. arbo what is a couple for? you know that i am a strong person who will not depend on you excessively, and after telling me that you can't stand sticking girls, i have monitored my actions and i don't find myself to be sticky at all. in fact people find us aloof whenever i am not with you, coz i do not know what is happening in your life. but pls understand that i am really a woman despite being so man at times. i am a bloody typical woman who needs her man to pay attention to her and shows that he cares for her. do you know how terrible it felt for me to stand by the door and watch you walk by without even a look at me.
i wanted to tell you everything personally, but it seems like i can only say this through this virtual space, whereby i don't even know if you will be able to see this for your busy schedule. but if you do have the time to surf my page, pls go back to your studies coz you have wasted plenty of time reading this piece of shit from me.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 2:05 PM
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Thursday, February 14, 2008
[::..worst v-day ever ..::]
[::..worst v-day ever ..::]
this is the worst V-day ever!
In the past i used to celebrate with liting every year.. Still remember i had ping, ting, sandy and elaine for company last year. The girls were so sweet!! now that i'm attached, i find myself more lonely than ever. haiz sian. not that i have high expectations or what. i don't even request for gifts or meet-ups. a simple wish or greeting will do but yet i don't see any. you won't see me begging for things like that anyway, so be it then. at oftentimes, i don't see much effort put in already. i think my friends know about my daily life more than he does, and i know more about my friends' life than his. no wonder one of my frenz asked me this super power question: "u guys not very close is it?" so now i know that this is how people take things for granted. so this was how memorable my 1st v-day turned out to be - full of crap and down with illnesses. oh well.
I don't think i'm unreasonable leh. In fact, some of my frenz think i've been too understanding till they can't stand me, and now to the extent that i find myself disgustingly nice at times. Maybe hao xin mei hao bao again. Turned out to be true in the case of my sis, n maybe true again in this case. A woman is a woman afterall, she needs what she needs, and needs are not gauged by how strong the personality one has. Coz, i repeat again, a woman is STILL a woman afterall.
In the past i used to celebrate with liting every year.. Still remember i had ping, ting, sandy and elaine for company last year. The girls were so sweet!! now that i'm attached, i find myself more lonely than ever. haiz sian. not that i have high expectations or what. i don't even request for gifts or meet-ups. a simple wish or greeting will do but yet i don't see any. you won't see me begging for things like that anyway, so be it then. at oftentimes, i don't see much effort put in already. i think my friends know about my daily life more than he does, and i know more about my friends' life than his. no wonder one of my frenz asked me this super power question: "u guys not very close is it?" so now i know that this is how people take things for granted. so this was how memorable my 1st v-day turned out to be - full of crap and down with illnesses. oh well.
I don't think i'm unreasonable leh. In fact, some of my frenz think i've been too understanding till they can't stand me, and now to the extent that i find myself disgustingly nice at times. Maybe hao xin mei hao bao again. Turned out to be true in the case of my sis, n maybe true again in this case. A woman is a woman afterall, she needs what she needs, and needs are not gauged by how strong the personality one has. Coz, i repeat again, a woman is STILL a woman afterall.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 11:40 PM
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Monday, December 17, 2007