[::..expectations = disappointment ..::]
[::..expectations = disappointment ..::]
okie, i figured i had better do this in case someone says that i am ungrateful. shuaiji sent their representative, guangzu GuangZu to get a nice pendant from citigems (haha my customers commented tt it's nice too) and he was kind enough to have chia-ed me a meal. clara Clara too, got me a lipgloss from a brand that i've never heard before, knowned as Paul and Joe, but its design and colour are pretty~ as shu nu as me~ lolz. so in turn, i will chia them back when i get my next pay lor, as agreed! don't say don't have lah. ade Ade aiai oso got royce chocolate for me, coz she knows that chocolates are my favourites! haha i like all the pressies can. thanks to all lah!
worked in chiku just now. arghhh i hv a weathered stomach now, and i felt nauseous for 2 days already. but work has gotten my condition off my mind. gotta smile and entertain customers, like some geishas. but dun worry we are decent geishas hahaa. some customers chatted with me and asked me stuff about school and things like when do i plan to get married. hmm possible MCPs who felt that women shld just get married at a super young age and do wad? moan everyday at home upon their husbands' return from work? eeyerr.. but they are overall nice customers so i shan't complain. have seen worse situations where those pple are just too er xin or hao lian to describe.
had "dinner" with tomomi after work, and i realized that i din take any food for the whole day. the supper came at a heavy price, tonnes of fats to shed off after this night. i reli need to jian fei.
tomomi's contract with chikuyotei will end next march, and she'll most probably be heading back japan for a break before finding a new job in singapore. YAY! she suggested for me to save up now for the trip! so happY!! it'll be the blooming season for the cherry blossoms then! they are such a pretty sight!! i shld brush up on my japanese now! hee.. excited! need not worry about losing my way, as i have a free tour guide by my side! haha
i'm having moodswings on and off again. i hate myself for that. somehow, i just can't control myself and act normal at times, tt's becoz i dun like to act. haiz. maybe i need to get a brain transplant. something is so not okie with me. ade.. we would probably need to have another gers' night out at cosybay soon.. willingly to be digged by one another on our deepest secrets again. haha i dunno why, but that place is real comfortable and never fails to set the mood right whenever we feel sianed half by everything.
sometimes, i just wonder is it best not to have any expectations at all lest the disappointment gets one down.
worked in chiku just now. arghhh i hv a weathered stomach now, and i felt nauseous for 2 days already. but work has gotten my condition off my mind. gotta smile and entertain customers, like some geishas. but dun worry we are decent geishas hahaa. some customers chatted with me and asked me stuff about school and things like when do i plan to get married. hmm possible MCPs who felt that women shld just get married at a super young age and do wad? moan everyday at home upon their husbands' return from work? eeyerr.. but they are overall nice customers so i shan't complain. have seen worse situations where those pple are just too er xin or hao lian to describe.
had "dinner" with tomomi after work, and i realized that i din take any food for the whole day. the supper came at a heavy price, tonnes of fats to shed off after this night. i reli need to jian fei.
tomomi's contract with chikuyotei will end next march, and she'll most probably be heading back japan for a break before finding a new job in singapore. YAY! she suggested for me to save up now for the trip! so happY!! it'll be the blooming season for the cherry blossoms then! they are such a pretty sight!! i shld brush up on my japanese now! hee.. excited! need not worry about losing my way, as i have a free tour guide by my side! haha
i'm having moodswings on and off again. i hate myself for that. somehow, i just can't control myself and act normal at times, tt's becoz i dun like to act. haiz. maybe i need to get a brain transplant. something is so not okie with me. ade.. we would probably need to have another gers' night out at cosybay soon.. willingly to be digged by one another on our deepest secrets again. haha i dunno why, but that place is real comfortable and never fails to set the mood right whenever we feel sianed half by everything.
sometimes, i just wonder is it best not to have any expectations at all lest the disappointment gets one down.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 4:21 AM
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Sunday, July 30, 2006
[::..i am no mahjong queen. ..::]
[::..i am no mahjong queen. ..::]
played mahjong with pps, ting and han just now. and I SURRENDER!!! i've given up hope when debts kept piling and the luck just simply wasn't with me. all that about being lucky as the bday girl! nothing but bullshit!! ahahhaa but anyway, i'm not into gambling so i shall stop playing MJ for at least 1 month and roller-blade instead. YAAAAY! i've finally bought my own pair of blades! shall meet up with 06-ers for regular skating and cycling at sentosa or ECP. not gonna let my money go to waste like tt!
ohh.. ai ai, sher and jean was officially introduced to my bro, knowned as the "break-voice man" to them. haha he shld be honoured to be surrounded by so many "aunties" while having our meal at vila'ge. i felt like i'm a mum taking my over-aged kid out. i will kill myself if someone calls me AUNTY or refer my bro as my son. yea they celebrated for me with a small chocolate cake from bakerzin. hee nice! thanks ah! but i got a severe hangover from the previous night that i felt like puking for the whole day! arghh terrible. yea i noe.. i shldnt drink tt much coz of a weak stomach. somehow i just don't listen. arghh SLAP ME!
oh yea. the shuaiji (including clara) celebrated with me too! ahaha quite shocked but appreciate tt. had steamboat at marina south but there wasn't any crabs for us. no value for money! oooh. some guys actually visited the raw gym to know more in depth about their non-heterosexual counterparts. quite cool but kinda disgusting at the same time. i wanna visit some les pubs man. i figured tt i will be stunned if i enter into some gay pubs, so i shall make do with les pubs. anyone interested to visit it some day? haha
ok. i'm quite fed up with some stupid matters at home, stupid reasonings about stuff that i am not even supposed to be involved in. so it is my fault that she doesn't come home and doesn't reply to my sms or avoid our calls for days, and i deserved to be yelled at for tt? sometimes, i'm just super sick of having to judge their baseless and unnecessary arguments. it's not my job to do so, but i felt obliged to, being the eldest. i'm not saying here that i'm noble or wadever, but sometimes i just wish that the burden wouldn't be on me. i am always supposed to be there to be the peace-maker and solve things out. can't they do so in the first place on their own by actually COMMUNICATING. i have to repeat and make the points clear to each of them so tt they actually cool down n LISTEN. i mean before they even start the quarrel, they shld have listened in the first place and i need not do something so tedious. just imagine. i must be there to hear their stands and make a judgement on who's right and wrong. and if i were to comment, they would flare up again, now AT ME, for not supporting their views. c'mon man. i have my own things to do. i could be chatting with frenz online, but it's my time and i'm entitled to do so. and now it has become my fault if i don't appear immediately at the scene of the quarrels, or if i appeared as if i am not willing to do anything about it. just spare me from all this agony. it's suffocating me!
ohh.. ai ai, sher and jean was officially introduced to my bro, knowned as the "break-voice man" to them. haha he shld be honoured to be surrounded by so many "aunties" while having our meal at vila'ge. i felt like i'm a mum taking my over-aged kid out. i will kill myself if someone calls me AUNTY or refer my bro as my son. yea they celebrated for me with a small chocolate cake from bakerzin. hee nice! thanks ah! but i got a severe hangover from the previous night that i felt like puking for the whole day! arghh terrible. yea i noe.. i shldnt drink tt much coz of a weak stomach. somehow i just don't listen. arghh SLAP ME!
oh yea. the shuaiji (including clara) celebrated with me too! ahaha quite shocked but appreciate tt. had steamboat at marina south but there wasn't any crabs for us. no value for money! oooh. some guys actually visited the raw gym to know more in depth about their non-heterosexual counterparts. quite cool but kinda disgusting at the same time. i wanna visit some les pubs man. i figured tt i will be stunned if i enter into some gay pubs, so i shall make do with les pubs. anyone interested to visit it some day? haha
ok. i'm quite fed up with some stupid matters at home, stupid reasonings about stuff that i am not even supposed to be involved in. so it is my fault that she doesn't come home and doesn't reply to my sms or avoid our calls for days, and i deserved to be yelled at for tt? sometimes, i'm just super sick of having to judge their baseless and unnecessary arguments. it's not my job to do so, but i felt obliged to, being the eldest. i'm not saying here that i'm noble or wadever, but sometimes i just wish that the burden wouldn't be on me. i am always supposed to be there to be the peace-maker and solve things out. can't they do so in the first place on their own by actually COMMUNICATING. i have to repeat and make the points clear to each of them so tt they actually cool down n LISTEN. i mean before they even start the quarrel, they shld have listened in the first place and i need not do something so tedious. just imagine. i must be there to hear their stands and make a judgement on who's right and wrong. and if i were to comment, they would flare up again, now AT ME, for not supporting their views. c'mon man. i have my own things to do. i could be chatting with frenz online, but it's my time and i'm entitled to do so. and now it has become my fault if i don't appear immediately at the scene of the quarrels, or if i appeared as if i am not willing to do anything about it. just spare me from all this agony. it's suffocating me!
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 7:11 AM
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Saturday, July 29, 2006
I lost track of what have I been doing for the past few weeks or months. yes.. meeting up with my colleagues and 06-ers are a norm. had been rotting at home for so many days that I feel myself getting more and more wasted. haha i've got some offers to work.. but i think i wouldn't wanna do something that i won't be committed in. the company is good, but the job scope is not what i really want. my colleagues have been advising me agst it as they feel that there is not much prospects in whatever i would be doing. haha.. so i shall just slack my life away for the moment. unless attica's ready to take me in.
ohh tomomi told me that GM's asking me back as their full-timer, with a not-bad pay but i'm not gonna be a waitress all my life, whether it's a managerial position or not. i think the place has sucked me dry of my youthness in SP that i feel myself having no life at all during the whole of year 1 and 2.
hongping and ric called me when they were in their camps. telling me about the days in there and what can we do when they are out. haha i wonder how do they look like when they are botaks!
Alright.. a big thanks to all frenz out there who gave me a simple bday wish, or celebrated or bought gifts for me. Surprisingly, some people whom i don't expect to contact suddenly approached me again. shocked the hell outta me. hahaa. mr weiming has became investment-oriented and it was quite nice discussing finance with him. i shld brush up my knowledge again some day. jackson contacted me to poach me into his team of agents as well. oh well.. i just feel tt insurance ain't for me. so sad, but true. but i felt quite guilty tt i switched agent, though he din blame me for it but he asked for the reason why. AWKWARD.
ok. good news is i'm going back db to work. clubbed with zhichuan and a guy fren of hers just now. alrite many disgusting guys somehow found a way to touch us. farking idiotic desperados. but no point screaming for help now. at least joey was there to protect us as much as possible. forget it. i'm simply disgusted and sickened. whatever. it doesn't matter now.
ohh tomomi told me that GM's asking me back as their full-timer, with a not-bad pay but i'm not gonna be a waitress all my life, whether it's a managerial position or not. i think the place has sucked me dry of my youthness in SP that i feel myself having no life at all during the whole of year 1 and 2.
hongping and ric called me when they were in their camps. telling me about the days in there and what can we do when they are out. haha i wonder how do they look like when they are botaks!
Alright.. a big thanks to all frenz out there who gave me a simple bday wish, or celebrated or bought gifts for me. Surprisingly, some people whom i don't expect to contact suddenly approached me again. shocked the hell outta me. hahaa. mr weiming has became investment-oriented and it was quite nice discussing finance with him. i shld brush up my knowledge again some day. jackson contacted me to poach me into his team of agents as well. oh well.. i just feel tt insurance ain't for me. so sad, but true. but i felt quite guilty tt i switched agent, though he din blame me for it but he asked for the reason why. AWKWARD.
ok. good news is i'm going back db to work. clubbed with zhichuan and a guy fren of hers just now. alrite many disgusting guys somehow found a way to touch us. farking idiotic desperados. but no point screaming for help now. at least joey was there to protect us as much as possible. forget it. i'm simply disgusted and sickened. whatever. it doesn't matter now.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 5:19 AM
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Friday, July 07, 2006
[::..HK ..::]
[::..HK ..::]
hey pple.. im leaving for HK.. hehe!
anyway, my clsmates (guys) reported at tekong this morning/afternoon for a couple years of imprisonment, and 1 in his changi camp. hohoho we will miss them man. no KTV with them for at least a few weeks! and handodo is leaving us for US! ahhhhh why is everyone leaving ussssss? =(
And thanks for the concern frenz, i have recovered from my sadness (finallY). no longer so weak anymore. haha i'm kinda numbed by everything that has happened actually. sometimes, it's wise to actually follow your heart than mind u noe? like when i was debating should i quit my previous job to this, i was actually weighing how much i could learn at both sides and decided that the training could possibly provide me with more hands-on. but on the other hand, i felt so so so reluctant to leave and reli felt like i shld forego this chance instead in order to stay in the environment that i love so much. yea so moral of the story: i shan't let my mind rule too much in future, coz i tend to think too much.
anyway, the reason why i felt so gek was becoz i actually planned to stay for good in the previous job and see whether there are any chances of advancement to other areas in the company if they have positions open to internal staff. but anyway, tt was reli my plan tt was why i din wanna let go. and now that i've met the new staff (she's real hot!) and both my traders, i'm not too sure whether i can go back but i think that ger gotta go back to her studies. so.. maybe i'll have a chance back! ahha ok forget abt this matter, i'm so over it now. shall not bore u guys with my complaints anymore.
i missed graduation last night and the gang was grumbling about it.. sorry pple.. i know i shld hv went la.. but i reli lai bu ji informed my traders about it. i wanted to take one last final graduation pic with u guys but i missed the chance. =(
had dinner at some french restaurant in specialist shopping centre. wow the ambience was great, and it would be inappropriate not to have wine in there, coz the wine were all screaming "DRINK MEEEE!!" to us ya noe. was waiting for soooo long for my main course as my clsmates were all waiting for me. rushed down to indochine wisma to see them for the last time but everyone went home after i came!! and tt stupid ash siam even before i came! tsk tsk!
soooo.. er wei, leng and i proceeded to alley bar for some gers' talk. haha and i ended up sleeping after i got home. i am reli gone case.
anyway, my clsmates (guys) reported at tekong this morning/afternoon for a couple years of imprisonment, and 1 in his changi camp. hohoho we will miss them man. no KTV with them for at least a few weeks! and handodo is leaving us for US! ahhhhh why is everyone leaving ussssss? =(
And thanks for the concern frenz, i have recovered from my sadness (finallY). no longer so weak anymore. haha i'm kinda numbed by everything that has happened actually. sometimes, it's wise to actually follow your heart than mind u noe? like when i was debating should i quit my previous job to this, i was actually weighing how much i could learn at both sides and decided that the training could possibly provide me with more hands-on. but on the other hand, i felt so so so reluctant to leave and reli felt like i shld forego this chance instead in order to stay in the environment that i love so much. yea so moral of the story: i shan't let my mind rule too much in future, coz i tend to think too much.
anyway, the reason why i felt so gek was becoz i actually planned to stay for good in the previous job and see whether there are any chances of advancement to other areas in the company if they have positions open to internal staff. but anyway, tt was reli my plan tt was why i din wanna let go. and now that i've met the new staff (she's real hot!) and both my traders, i'm not too sure whether i can go back but i think that ger gotta go back to her studies. so.. maybe i'll have a chance back! ahha ok forget abt this matter, i'm so over it now. shall not bore u guys with my complaints anymore.
i missed graduation last night and the gang was grumbling about it.. sorry pple.. i know i shld hv went la.. but i reli lai bu ji informed my traders about it. i wanted to take one last final graduation pic with u guys but i missed the chance. =(
had dinner at some french restaurant in specialist shopping centre. wow the ambience was great, and it would be inappropriate not to have wine in there, coz the wine were all screaming "DRINK MEEEE!!" to us ya noe. was waiting for soooo long for my main course as my clsmates were all waiting for me. rushed down to indochine wisma to see them for the last time but everyone went home after i came!! and tt stupid ash siam even before i came! tsk tsk!
soooo.. er wei, leng and i proceeded to alley bar for some gers' talk. haha and i ended up sleeping after i got home. i am reli gone case.
<__i'm // who i am* . > - 8:23 PM
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Saturday, July 01, 2006
[::..crybaby ..::]
[::..crybaby ..::]
by looking at the title, i guess most of you know what i'm gonna biatch about next.
i feel so so damn cheated!!! :(
i've been crying so much for the past few days that i won't ever doubt again if someone ever says "women are made of water". tears automatically sprang to my eyes whenever one mentions or asks me about my previous/current job. i couldn't help but feel so cheated about it. so GEK about it. so sad about it. it's harder to hold on to my tears than actually working in my current job. sorry guys i may have scared you all, ahaha but i din mean to spoil the mood. i seriously couldn't help it! i think the male colleague sitting nx to me could have been freaked out by me throughout the whole 2 hours after lunchtime, as i've been crying non-stop and he saw and heard it, and turned occassionally to check on whether i'm still crying. haha oops.
i wonder what's holding me on to my previous workplace. okok. to say it materialistically, everything's great! the flat-screen monitors, bloomberg/reuters stations, 2 big big flat-screen tv for news, my huge table that was possibly 1.5 to 2 times the size of my current hideout, the nice toilet where we can view the top of town (the toilet i hv now is super stuffy n very hawker-centrish), a orangey brightly-lit pantry with nice sofas and unlimted supply of any drinks u can think of. not all, maybe most. Milo, Lipton/Peppermint Lipton/Chinese/Green tea, Nescafe Mix/Powder, Black coffee, Perrier water, Coke/Coke Light/Sprite, Orange/Cranberry Juice, Red wine........ and the beauty of it? All FOC! the staff benefits were real good. just imagine, a coffee machine for 7 over grand dollars, catering super nice coffee such as cappuccino and latte and some other things tt i dun reli know how to spell.
But u guys can't convict me of materialism alright. although there is a strong pull attraction due to the luxurious factor, the main concern for me would be how i feel about the work environment, as in if i hate my work (like wad i used to feel towards sch in poly yr 1 n 2), i will dread it and will not enjoy going to work at all. i will find all kinds of excuses to be late or not attending work, or best still, CHANGE job.
i love the people there. it's not about a "fetish for foreigners", although i love speaking with them as it reli helped in deproving my singlish. some of the people are like family to me, i don't mind showing them silly and stupid things that i usually do, like teh-ing or moaning (dun think crooked, i only do tt to gers but i'm not a les). i can safely say 80% or more of the pple made me feel real comfy with them around me. via conversations and some talking-cock sessions, they made me feel like i reli belong there, striving hard in work like every one of them.
i love the job and i was learning on it, and i simply love going to work. It's just the kinda feeling whereby i don't reli know how to describe. like.. i wouldn't mind working on wkends, even on sundays for this job. been alone in the office on a sunday and was slowly devouring every sight of the office from my seat. even took pics of them (coz that was my last week of work). i wouldnt mind coming in early and leaving later than the perm staff. i wouldnt mind having to lunch-in to do work. i wouldnt mind not getting a bonus at the end of the year but still continue with my job. i wouldn't mind if i have to do lotsa staring in to the screen full of numbers and figures. i wouldn't mind having to quit my current job now just to get back my previous one, but it's all too late.
Company A said that i can have a chance to become a TD, but it was way outta some of our expectations. Company A had the cheek to remind me to learn managing my expectations. HELLO?? it was stated clearly that we were going to be a TD, but it turned out otherwise. and no, u din tell us beforehand that we may not get what we expected. You shld be the one learning how to keep your word. Anyway, i have to be in Company B for 1 mth. long and draggy huh? worst part was, i actually gave up my job for this chance which i thought i could learn more and may have prospects in the long-run for me due to the many benefits Company A has promised, but failed to deliver.
how nice, how great. i don't feel like celebrating my 21st bday anymore. i thought i would be happy this year. i don't think so now. i feel very miserable. i wanna return to my job..... terribly.
i feel so so damn cheated!!! :(
i've been crying so much for the past few days that i won't ever doubt again if someone ever says "women are made of water". tears automatically sprang to my eyes whenever one mentions or asks me about my previous/current job. i couldn't help but feel so cheated about it. so GEK about it. so sad about it. it's harder to hold on to my tears than actually working in my current job. sorry guys i may have scared you all, ahaha but i din mean to spoil the mood. i seriously couldn't help it! i think the male colleague sitting nx to me could have been freaked out by me throughout the whole 2 hours after lunchtime, as i've been crying non-stop and he saw and heard it, and turned occassionally to check on whether i'm still crying. haha oops.
i wonder what's holding me on to my previous workplace. okok. to say it materialistically, everything's great! the flat-screen monitors, bloomberg/reuters stations, 2 big big flat-screen tv for news, my huge table that was possibly 1.5 to 2 times the size of my current hideout, the nice toilet where we can view the top of town (the toilet i hv now is super stuffy n very hawker-centrish), a orangey brightly-lit pantry with nice sofas and unlimted supply of any drinks u can think of. not all, maybe most. Milo, Lipton/Peppermint Lipton/Chinese/Green tea, Nescafe Mix/Powder, Black coffee, Perrier water, Coke/Coke Light/Sprite, Orange/Cranberry Juice, Red wine........ and the beauty of it? All FOC! the staff benefits were real good. just imagine, a coffee machine for 7 over grand dollars, catering super nice coffee such as cappuccino and latte and some other things tt i dun reli know how to spell.
But u guys can't convict me of materialism alright. although there is a strong pull attraction due to the luxurious factor, the main concern for me would be how i feel about the work environment, as in if i hate my work (like wad i used to feel towards sch in poly yr 1 n 2), i will dread it and will not enjoy going to work at all. i will find all kinds of excuses to be late or not attending work, or best still, CHANGE job.
i love the people there. it's not about a "fetish for foreigners", although i love speaking with them as it reli helped in deproving my singlish. some of the people are like family to me, i don't mind showing them silly and stupid things that i usually do, like teh-ing or moaning (dun think crooked, i only do tt to gers but i'm not a les). i can safely say 80% or more of the pple made me feel real comfy with them around me. via conversations and some talking-cock sessions, they made me feel like i reli belong there, striving hard in work like every one of them.
i love the job and i was learning on it, and i simply love going to work. It's just the kinda feeling whereby i don't reli know how to describe. like.. i wouldn't mind working on wkends, even on sundays for this job. been alone in the office on a sunday and was slowly devouring every sight of the office from my seat. even took pics of them (coz that was my last week of work). i wouldnt mind coming in early and leaving later than the perm staff. i wouldnt mind having to lunch-in to do work. i wouldnt mind not getting a bonus at the end of the year but still continue with my job. i wouldn't mind if i have to do lotsa staring in to the screen full of numbers and figures. i wouldn't mind having to quit my current job now just to get back my previous one, but it's all too late.
Company A said that i can have a chance to become a TD, but it was way outta some of our expectations. Company A had the cheek to remind me to learn managing my expectations. HELLO?? it was stated clearly that we were going to be a TD, but it turned out otherwise. and no, u din tell us beforehand that we may not get what we expected. You shld be the one learning how to keep your word. Anyway, i have to be in Company B for 1 mth. long and draggy huh? worst part was, i actually gave up my job for this chance which i thought i could learn more and may have prospects in the long-run for me due to the many benefits Company A has promised, but failed to deliver.
how nice, how great. i don't feel like celebrating my 21st bday anymore. i thought i would be happy this year. i don't think so now. i feel very miserable. i wanna return to my job..... terribly.